I’m pretty sure that Match’s most recent matching algorithm consists of: *Shrug* Fuck if I know…
These gems were all contained within one day’s set of “matches.”
“Eligible” Bachelor #1: YOUNGCOWBOY28
Aside from his inexplicable caps lock and splitting of one word into two smaller one-syllable words, I guess we could be a match.
FUCK THAT, MATCH.
Enjoying camping, drinking, and dogs is not enough to bring two people together. Trust me, I’ve tried that shit.
“Eligible” Bachelor #2: Ladieslovesandme
Can you say, “codependent”? “My favorite place is your favorite place.” “I like to do, what u like to do hopefully shopping, cooking, and putting on makeup.”
Also, fuck you and your pixelated, lego-faced second picture.
“Eligible” Bachelor #3: b_t_hellam1
I think Match may have momentarily gotten me confused with my crazy sister who would love to date and marry a nondenominational protestant minister (for marriage #4) with whom she could relax, read the Bible, and watch Paul Blart: Mall Cop.
“Eligible” Bachelor #4: D8M4
You know, this fucker’s not so bad (comparatively) except that he listens to shitty music.
Still, fuck him.
Also, fuck this.