Hot Mess: Volume 12

On this week’s “Good god, look who favorited me!” – HJV17
This man is the vanilla ice cream at the ice cream shop. Or to use a fish-in-the-sea metaphor, this man is breaded fish stick. No one’s really sure what’s in it, but it might be fish.


Reasons HJV17 and I will never go on a date: 

  1. His headline, “Looking to meet new people” was recently updated. Before that he just had, “I’m here to send countless emails and winks to women who will never have sex with me.”
  2. His user name is one character away from the scariest STD in the world.
  3. He’s 37 and seeking women 18+. Six years older would be much too old, but 19 years younger is kosher AND legal.
  4. His entire “About Me” is 32 words, if you include “etc.” and he probably just threw that in to meet the 200 character minimum.
  5. He’s another gray silhouette, and I’m usually into the three-dimensional types.


Is this in appropriate occasion to say, “Fuck my life”?

6 thoughts on “Hot Mess: Volume 12

  1. HANNAH! It’s so unfair that your love life becomes a reason for us to laugh! Damn you and your humorous writing! I guess, if anything, staying on Match weeds out the creepsters!

    • My new slogan is, “What doesn’t kill me makes me funnier!”
      And, yes, you are very correct that Match makes it easy to weed out the fish that have been thrown back for very good reasons, as long as you have a net with large enough holes.

  2. just the fact that he has 18 in the category of women he is interested in and he is 37 skeeves me and I would stay far, far away from someone like this.. I mean, it’s great his son means so much to him.. but 18? Jesus..

    • Yep. I assume that he doesn’t have a picture because he’s equally icky in photographs.

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