Hot Mess: Volume 1

 

Rycon 517 was the first man to prompt me to use command, shift, 4. He sent me a message that I no longer have stored in either my inbox or my memory, so it is safe to assume that it was about as engaging as his profile.

Some things you may want to note:

  • The headline: “New and Adventurous ! : )” as demonstrated by his (only) profile pic outside of the Mall of (fucking) America (or MOFA for short) to which he gives a familiar shout out in his “Favorite Hot Spots” section.
  • If I was not already sold on this 31 year-old SWM’s sense of novelty and adventure, he drew me in with, “I won’t get off on a rant (space). I’m just a simple guy and enjoy simple thing (space). Sometimes I can be elaborite (space).” “Elaborite” like sometimes he likes to “go all out” on that extra pair of new, still soft sweatpants.
  • Rycon 517 continues writing that he is “always up for something new that I haven’t tried yet and go some place I have never been (fucking space).” “Something new” like sex, for example, but not like jacking off in the bathrooms at MOFA after seeing a particularly risque mannequin.
  • The closing line may be his best. “Perhaps you can show me something ‘NEW'”
    Is that a challenge? In hindsight, I should have sent him a link for diaper porn.
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4 thoughts on “Hot Mess: Volume 1

  1. I find it interesting that he is only interested in women 10 yrs his junior or 3 yrs his senior. Why does that bother me so much?

  2. Perhaps you could have shown him a “NEW” way to spell “excercise” or some other “winter things” (like hypothermia) he was previously unaware of.

    I’m really worried that reading this profile will now trick my brain into following sentences with this newfangled “space-full stop.” I’ll try and fite it .

    • I would like to show him a few “NEW” things, including but not limited to:

      The difference between common and proper nouns and the capitalization thereof.
      How the use of excessive vagueness = boring.
      And, last but not least, how to neuter oneself for fun and profit.

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